Feeling 28

Well I am now officially 28 and loving it, but somehow I feel like I'm having a mini mid life crisis. I'm still a single parent. Still working my ass off. Still thinking fairy tales really exist. And yet I still keep thinking someone from my past is going to come crawling back, begging for forgiveness. What the hell is wrong with me?!

Where did I go so wrong in my life to still be all alone and have no one to share this life with? Is it not enough that the only person I ever really loved, threw our 4 year relationship away in a matter of months and married some trashy gal? Is it not enough that the child we have together, I provide 80% of everything for her? Is it not enough I had another 3 year relationship fail because they just wanted to use me and never had any intent of ever marrying me? Or how about dealing with my mom and her having pancreatic cancer and being the only child that was really there for her through it all? Or my brother and the car wreck that almost killed him earlier this year? God, I need a break or I am going to have a break down. 

I know God never gives you more than you can handle. But come on!!! I think I've had enough for a lifetime at this point in my life. I think I just need to get up in the morning and drive and drive and drive some more. I just need to think and process all of my low points in my life, so I can get ready for my high point. God give me a sign and show me that something good is coming. Something wonderful. Something that is going to change my life for the better and never once will I feel the urge to ever look back and feel all that sorrow and pain. Please, I really need this in my life right now. 

BFF

Missing one of my bffs right now. She is stationed overseas and I haven't seen her since September. But good news, she will be home for 2 weeks next month! I can't wait. Not only is she half way across the world, but my other BFF is 2 hours from me.

I've had a lot of changed this past year, had to do some soul searching, and find myself all over again. I am now alone in this town, as to where I have always had those 2 by my side for the past 14 years. I am also single yet again after another failed 3 year relationship. I am a single momma to a beautiful 6 year old and I have come to realize that maybe that's the way God wants it to be. I have become quite the workaholic and I'm not sure I know how to make it stop.

So what do I do now? Do I stay here or do I move? Do I give up on finding a man or just continue to wait it out? Do I keep my job or look for another one? I'm praying that I find my answers.

I do somewhat feel that I want to move back home to Denmark. But if I do, will I be able to find a job? Will I like it once I get there? How will I possibly find a man there if I downsize to a much smaller town? I have so many questions, but no answers.

Lord Jesus, please help me find my answers. I just want to do what is best for myself and my child. I want to do it all in your glory. I want it to be a positive change for the 2 of us. I think most I all, I just want to find my true place in the world. Amen.

Done

I am so over trying to do for everyone else! I put everyone before me all the time. And what do I get? Not a gosh darn thing! I am tired of being the child that is the only one that does anything for the only parent I have. Why is it that no matter what I do, it still isn't good enough? I am just done! No more. Don't care attitude has kicked in! I just want to be all alone with just my daughter and let someone else see how it feels to be used and unappreciated day in and day out. I don't deserve this and I'm not going to allow it anymore.

Next subject. Men! Man why does it have to be so hard to find a good man these days? What happen chivalry! What happened to courting! I know there has to be honest, God fearing men still out there somewhere that wants to sweep you off your feet and love you unconditional everyday for the rest of your life. Damnit! I am so tired of waiting for a good man!

Decisions, decisions

Do you remember that promising news I was talking about a few weeks ago? Well it was about a job. Not just any job, but a work from home job. And guess what?! I got the job.

But....before I went to the interview I told the doctors that I work for I was going. I explained to them why I wanted to be at home more with my daughter and that I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere there when I've been there for over 5 years. Anyways, they all talked. They sat down with me yesterday. They gave me a raise. Which is what I was not asking for in the first place. They told me they would work with my schedule and the flexibility of it so I have more time with my daughter. And they told me they do want to advance me but I will have to wait until they move into their new office sometime in August.

Now. I don't have a clue as to what I should do. I think the working from home would be wonderful, but I'm afraid I would start to not like it after awhile. Mainly because I don't like to sit at home. But I was offered just a little bit more money from them. As well as another raise as soon as I take my test and I pass. So I am at a crossroads in my life. Do I take the next step or should I stick with the wonderful doctors that have done so much for me in the 5 years I have worked with them?

To make it even more nerve racking I have to decide all of this by Monday! I don't have a clue what to do. So God, I know you're listening. Please, please, please help me make my decision. Amen.

Love me a gentle southern man

Mmmmmmmm...I love a southern man! There is nothing finer than seeing them in jeans and a button down. Hmmmmm...going crazy just thinking about it. Now if one of those men would just come into my life, I would be ever so thankful that The Lord sent me an amazing man. So God if you're listening, I'm waiting on you to show me the right one. I promise to wait for him. I will not seek him. Please just hear me out though. Make him an amazing Godly man at all times. Not when he feels like it. I want him to know your word and live by it. I want him to pray with me and love me as you have loved us. I want him to wake up next to me every morning and know that you Lord gave him this amazing woman to spend his life with. For richer or poorer, through sickness and health. And I want him to love my child as she were his own. So I give it all up and surrender all my wants and desires of a man to you. I know you will send the right one to me. Amen

Waiting...Waiting...Waiting

It never seems to fail. I am always the one waiting for it to finally go my way. Don't get me wrong, plenty has gone right in my life, but somehow lately, things just aren't working out like they should be. I have a good job, could be better, but still thankful to have a job that pays the bills with a little money left over. I have been at the same place for over 5 years and still, I have been passed over yet again by someone else. So Lord, if this is your sign for telling me something better is coming, I am all ears and eyes! I just really need a little break.

Men.......Where do I even start with them? I have spent a lot of my time trying to please a man, so they would be happy with me. Boy have I been doing it wrong for years. I have finally decided that if there is a man suitable for me out there, he WILL find me and I will NOT go looking for him. Doesn't mean I can't make myself be seen, just that I will not be doing the seeking. So Lord, it's me again. If there is someone out there for me, please don't make me wait until I'm old! I can have all the patience you want, just please be sparing with the time frame.

But in the meanwhile, I will keep waiting and hoping and praying that all goes will with my life. That what is meant to be will be and I will be happy and content with it.


Waiting Patiently,
Meg

When God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window

This statement could not be more true for me today. I have had a very crazy time at work the last several months. Then today I got some promising news. I'm not saying about what. Just please keep me in your prayers that if its meant to be, it will all be worth it.

2nd thing is I visited with a life long friend right before New Years and I am starting to see things in a whole new light for myself. I cannot thank my friend enough for helping reassure me that things were going to get better and that I deserve so much more than what a man has ever shown me. I think I have a crush too. ;)

Third thing is my mother went for a follow up scan last week and everything looks great. All glory be to God. I am beyond blessed to still have my momma here with me on earth. And I love that she had such a strong testimony to share with other cancer patients. She has and always will be my number one hero. Love you momma.

Now what do you do when one day you see the spark in someone's eyes that you've known forever and never thought anything was ever there? I have finally see the light. Do you think it's possible for them to feel the same way after so many years of friendship? I finally see why everyone was trying to set me up with this person for so long. I was always afraid that would ruin our friendship. But now it doesn't matter. I know it won't. It will only make it better and stronger. Please Lord if its in your plan help me to see it and help me to wait and have patience along the way. I put it all in your hands.